A Mission for Godly Men:

Marry the Prophet

As God has declared that She believes in polygamy, though not of the variety practiced historically and currently by Mormon sects, but of the feminist variety through which a woman takes as many husbands as she likes, there is an edict that has been issued by the Lord for all eligible men.

The Prophet, Jennifer Robinson, founder of the Church of the Divine Heathens, much like other prophets of other religions such as the FLDS, needs to fulfill God's will through many marriages.

It is crucial that male believers fulfill their God-given role as servant-husbands to a woman, and the truly righteous and worthy, will be chosen by God to marry the Prophet, Jennifer. (Note: Being a heterosexual is not required for this role)

Whilst the Prophet is not an offical lesbian, but is open to new ideas, women will also be considered. However God strongly encourages lesbians to find real lesbians to marry because those are the most Godly of relationships.

Rules for Consideration:

• You must be at least 18 years old. The real God doesn't want children getting married like they do in some other religions.
  

• You must be single. Women can have many husbands, but men can have only one wife, so sayeth the Lord.
  

• You must comply with the below application process. Allow 10 days for a response from God.
  

To Be Considered for a Career as Husband to the Prophet, and Guarantee Your Eternity in Heaven, Follow the Below:

(if you do not have an email address, skip to the form at the bottom of the page):

• Email God asking permission to fulfill this most Holy of roles, at god@godisagaywoman.com, and state your request.
  

• Include with your email message a picture of your actual self, if you have one available.
  

• Include in your email message the names of five feminist role models who you hold in high esteem
  

• Include in your emal message your promises for the chores you will do, the money you will provide, the material goods you will furnish, the vacations you will plan, and the duties which you will perform when you are chosen as an official Husband of the Prophet.
  

• Also include your name, age, date of birth, place of birth, place of residence, occupation (or state that you are unemployed, which will not necessarily disqualify you), special skills you have (please, God will be reading this so no graphic discussions of sexual acts), your goals, your hopes, your dreams, and the core beliefs of your soul.
  

• Describe your past relationships, including how many times you have been married, if any, how many children you have, and what your connections are to your children now. For example, are you a deadbeat dad?
  

• To ensure that your request is given top priority, please make a donation of any amount today, and you may soon find yourself planning your wedding.
  

Also, you need to answer the following questions:

• When did women get the right to vote in the United States?
  

• What is your favorite Ani Difranco song?
  

• Have you ever been, or are you now, a Republican?
  

• Do you like to cook? Can you make anything besides peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?
  

• Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend or wife, or boyfriend?
  

• Have you ever seen an angel, an alien, or Elvis?
  

• What is your favorite carbonated beverage?
  

• Are you an alcoholic or a drug addict? (Note: due to the Prophet's past experience in an unfortunate relationship choice, a "yes" to this question automatically disqualifies you, although you are still welcome to enter Heaven.)
  

• Do you own guns?
  

• Do you know how to do laundry?
  

• Do you know how to properly clean an apartment (not a large dwelling, don't worry)?
  

• Do you live with your parents, in a mobile home, in a condo with roommates, or an actual house?
  

• Do you love animals?
  

• Are you now, or have you ever been affiliated with the Church of $cientology?
  

• What are your thoughts on globalization?
  

• Did you brush your teeth today?
  

• How many beers do you typically drink before noon on a Saturday?
  

• What does your aura look like?
  

• Are you skilled at automechanics?
  

• Do you like to watch Lifetime TV Movies?
  

• Is there a possibility that you are actually a gay man? (Note: this will not disqualify you)
  

• How much time do you spend looking at pornography?
  

• Do you know what the ERA is?
  

• Have you had a vasectomy? (If not, this will be required)
  

• Do you smoke?  (this is a disqualifier)
  

• Are you willing to take part in a marriage that may involve you living in a separate dwelling from your Wife-Head and not annoying her with your presence too often?
  

• Are you willing to submit to a criminal background check and a credit check?
  

• Do you watch UFC, mixed martial arts, boxing, or football regularly? If so, are you willing to stop this unrighteous of habits for God?
  

• Is violence of any kind acceptable to you?
  

• What have you done to advocate for social justice, peace, feminism, animal rights, the environment, or preventing the cancelation of The Gilmore Girls?
  

Note: the below questions are asked for demographic, statistical purposes only, and will not be used to determine your worthiness.

• How much money can you guarantee to raise for the Work of God?
  

• How much money is in your wallet right now?
  

• How much money is in your bank account?
  

• Are you willing to do any type of work necessary to pay the bills, including being a migrant farm worker?
  

• Do you own any stocks, bonds, IRAs or life insurance policies of large amounts?
  

The Church of the Righteous Heathens

Founded by God's Messenger on Earth, Jennifer Robinson

Get Immediate Consideration for Marriage to the Prophet when You Give Ten Dollars to God Today!

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If you are interested in marrying the Prophet, but do not have an email address, use this box to type in your answers to tell God about yourself and why you would make a righteous husband/servant to the Prophet. Name: Occupation: Age: Feminist Role Models: Hygiene (Good, Bad?): Skills (dishes, cooking, automobile mechanics, cleaning, computer repair, ironing, childcare, etc.) Income, Net Worth, and Assets: Why do you not have an email address? Smoker (yes/no)? Drinker (yes/no)? Heroin, Cocaine, Crack, or Meth addict (yes/no)? Willingness to sign a prenuptual agreement? Amount of Donation Paid: Phone Number: Address: